lessons, headfirst, on February first

2 02 2008

I had a number of thoughts after leaving the bars tonight. They all kind of mishmashed for me, and what I convey next in my writings is what I best recollect.  These are my thoughts on such subjects:

humility – No matter what you do and how caring you are, there will always be someone who is more so. On top of that, the more you think you think of yourself, the less others (probably) think of you.

caring – I was walking down the street with a group of people leaving the bar tonight. It was two guys, two dolls and me. I felt kind of outcast because one of the two girls was my ex-girlfriend, ad I didn’t know the men. I kept getting ahead of the other four because they were having a snowball fight and laughing. I felt kind of shitty and not at all like laughing, but the other non-gf girl said it seemed like I needed a face full of snow. I smiled and said I thought I did, so she grabbed a handful and whitewashed me! I laughed, then told her I was really good at snowbanking and tossed her in. That was all I really needed to feel happy, and I was grateful for her thoughtfulness.

relationships – So I saw my ex and had a minor conversation with her. It was fine. I’m not angry, but I do finally see what dumpees mean when they don’t see eye-to-eye when the “let’s stay friends” statement is made.

self-esteem – A friend I hadn’t talked to for years said hi to me and admitted she had a crush on me all freshman year. She said that every time she saw me her sophomore year, it brought her spirits up. I was really happy to hear that someone felt that way about me. It kind of made my night! -)

love – I realized that love is so tough to attain. God knows I’ve tried to convince myself that I was in love so many times, and really, I only feel like it’s been about three times (out of three times as many relationships). I don’t enjoy looking for love, since looking seems to lead to dead ends. Instead, I’ll adopt the idea of going with the flow, and hopefully that will lead me in a more positive direction.

I do say that I have more than one model of the type of woman I’ll be keeping my eye out for. These women probably have no idea that I admire them, but I have mini crushes that I know won’t go anywhere, and I keep an eye on them to appreciate the way they handle themselves and their lives. They range in age from 19 to their 50s, and they’re all very cool women.

drunkenness – It’s fun and awful at the same time.

responsibility – I’m horrible at it. I wish I had more of it.

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3 responses

6 02 2008
dontcallmebaby

I agree, looking for love sucks, so the ‘going-with-the-flow’ idea is great. Hope you find her soon though!

13 02 2008
Cuntlip

God you’re boring and untalented. Just go flip a burger please.

14 02 2008
cothebadger

Yeah, yeah. This is a “me, me, me”, “I, I, I” kind of post. And I was drunk when I wrote it. Meh. We all need those, right?

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