Life is tough

3 04 2005

Man. Why does life get tough at all the wrong times? I’m sick with mono and might be coming down with something else. I’m lazy in my classes when I know I could be getting A’s. And worst of all, my dog is dying.

I talked to my dad today. He said my dog, Bear, is worsening. He fell down three times by noon today, which is not a good sign. We all thought his arthritis would get better as the weather gets warmer. Dad built a ramp for him to get into his pen last weekend, and that seemed to make things a lot better.

Now I find out that he’s falling down and shit when he goes up stairs. I always told myself that the one thing regarding my dog that I’d never forgive my parents for is if they let him go without me saying goodbye. They did that to me with our last dog, Blitz.

Blitz was a year-and-a-half-old mutt that was really friendly. Unbeknownst to us, the neighbor kid was coming over every day and teasing him through the pen. In mid-January, on the morning of my birthday, I decided to take a nap. When I woke up, my dog was gone. It turned out that the dog had bit the neighbor kid and my parents quietly carted my dog off to the pound without letting me say goodbye. I was pissed that my parents hadn’t said anything, but I was young.

Now I’m facing the reality that I might not be able to say goodbye to Bear. My dad made it clear that if he broke anything or got hurt in any way, we was going to put Bear down. Dad doesn’t want him to suffer, and neither do I, so I couldn’t blame him for doing that. In the loss of all my other pets, I’ve been able to say my final peace to them and comfort them when they were dying, but being at college might take away that chance.

If I can’t say goodbye, this is going to hit me a lot harder than if I can. After I got off the phone with my dad, I went to the bathroom and cried harder than I have since before I began college. I’ve had Bear for 15 of my 21 years of life, which is most of the time I even remember being alive. I can’t believe what others say about pets lacking emotions. Bear loves us and we love him. He’s become an integral part of our family, comforting us when we’re feeling down and protecting us when he sees threats. Losing him, though not as tough as losing a sibling, will leave a hole in my life all the same.

I can’t let this get to me now, though. For all I know, he’ll be around all summer and most of the fall, but I do know he won’t last another Minnesota winter. It’s time for me to make peace with this.




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