Heck

13 09 2004

Oy. What a weekend. In addition to the shows and other crap, I got a $94 bill on my cell phone. That’s $40 in charges for going 106 minutes over my plan. First and last time. I also killed myself by procrastinating with homework.

Woke up on time this morning but showed up to my Ag J class late. Missed the beginning of a quiz and got 3/5 instead of the damn 5/5 that was so easy it killed me. Math was math, and soon I’ll be heading off to my first Coleoptera class of the semester. (That’s beetles for all you non-ent. inclined folk.) It should prove to be interesting because apparently, we have a say in the way the class is run. It’s essentially a three credit grad. level (700) seminar on beetles, and I think we’re all going to enjoy it. I know at least two people in it from my trip to Wyoming.

In other news, I’m incredibly torn. I may or may not have mentioned that I’m considering joining a fraternity. I received a bid for Pi Kappa Alpha (or Pike for short). The guys are great, the club seems cool, the dues are cheap, and, frankly, I can’t find a thing wrong with joining… except with the amount of time I have in my life. I’ve resolved that the next major organization put my time into will be the last one I pick up because I’m busy with something every night of the week.

I want this final thing to be something both of importance to me and importance to others. I’m an active sailor and Tae Kwon Do student, and I also write for The Daily Cardinal. Unfortunately, sailing is strictly leisure. Tae Kwon Do is both a teaching and learning sport, but unfortunately, not many people put much weight on teaching people in Tae Kwon Do unless you’re a black belt or run your own club. As far as the Cardinal goes, I love writing for them, but my investable time in the paper is minimal, and right now I forsee being able to write only about one article every two weeks (but don’t even hold me to that, Maureen.) 😀 My plans are to either get much more involved in the Cardinal or become very involved in another organization that makes a difference, possibly a service group or internship with a publication.

Also, as cool as the guys in Pike are, I’m unsure if I’d like the fraternity scene as a whole. It seems a lot of time is invested in social aspects, which is cool. Social things take time in planning and doing, though, which may not work for me. The stigma and politics of being in a fraternity may be too much for me. Interacting with sororities in which I can only relate to 20% of the girls is something I may not want to deal with, either.

The benefits of joining seem to outweigh the detriments if it wasn’t for my time. I’d be able to meet a ton of new people in a group that until about a year ago I stereotyped. I know Greek girls and guys can be cool, and I know that many of them are also total wieners/wienerettes. I like that being a founder of the frat would look great on a resume, and that you make a ton of connections that can help you in life. I know it’s a good group of guys who do community service and mean well for a fraternity that’s going to take off in the future.

The decision’s going to take some sifting and “soul-searching” (as cliche as that is, that’s what it feels like.) It’s the whole economic cost/benefit weighing. Eek! Scary flashback to last semester’s AAE class!

All of this on my mind has made me think about one word: ambition. In college, I believe you should take every opportunity given to you and make the best of it, because there’s always someone who won’t ever have the opportunities you’ll have. Unfortunately, none of us can do everything we want. I try to be ambitious and passionate in everything I do. I’ve found a renewed vigor for Tae Kwon Do that I hope to help carry me to a higher level of martial, physical and mental enlightenment in the coming semester. I’m putting a lot of effort into at least two of my classes and trying hard to do the homework in my other two classes (with minimal success, thus far.)

I know people who have no ambition in college. I’m not talking about pot-smokers or heavy weekend drinkers, because, for the most part, I find there’s not a high correlation with recreational substance use and apathy. It seems more that there’s just this large slice of the campus that doesn’t give a shit about political, social or economic factors on campus. They don’t even join the easy clubs or any sports. They sit on their asses and surf the net, watch TV or waste their time with video games. If nothing else, I want to leave college saying I wasn’t one of “those” kids. I want to be remembered for something or at least leave my mark on campus. Perhaps in my second two years as an undergraduate, I can make more of a difference that I did in my first two and take more than I did from my first two.

Opportunities open to my left and to my right, and I can’t take them all, but I can pick and choose the most valuable ones to me and make do with them. I want my passions to serve myself and others as well. Up to this point, I feel my life has been a selfish waste of time, and when people say they think I’m a nice person, I think they’re equating “nice” with “agreeable and friendly.” I want them to maybe add “selfless” and “caring” to that definition. I think I should start harder at changing my image of myself so maybe it will change others’ images of me.

I also want to start living life with less abandon. No sensible person can live it with “reckless abandon”. That would be reckless, right? Responsible people can adapt to change while making some of their own, and I think I can do that. I started by asking a close friend out who I’ve been meaning to ask out for a good six months. I realize there’s not need for gravity in college relationships, and if she feels like nothing could work out, I’d be glad to move on. Dwelling in the past won’t help anything, and dwelling on the future when something can be done now doesn’t help anything either; it only causes regret when that future comes. As far as my friend goes, I told myself, “It’s now or never. Stop letting your insecurities bother you and move on! Fuck what others think!” Granted, the passion came with a little alcoholic helper, but even after sobering up, I feel the same and stand by it. If I don’t get the girl, I move on to another girl I care about. It’s as simple as that.

Man. This may be the record for longest entry. I need to eat lunch then get ready for four hours of discussing beetles. Fun (for me!) Comments on the philosophical aspects (or others) of my entry are welcome, but remember I write this for me first. There is a consideration for others in this LJ, but if I don’t care what the public thinks, I’ll write it. There ya go!

Enjoy the summer day and those that follow. Fall is on the way,

Co

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