KAUFMAN (V.O.)
I’m old. I’m fat. I’m bald. *
(reaches for notebook, catches
sight of bare feet)
My toenails have turned strange. I am *
old. I am — *
(flips through notebook, paces)
I have nothing. She’ll think I’m an *
idiot. Why couldn’t I stay on that diet? *
She’ll pretend not to be disappointed,
but I’ll see that look, that look — *
(passes mirror, glances quickly
at reflection, looks away)
God, I’m repulsive.
(another glance) *
But as repulsive as I think? My Body *
Dysmorphic Disorder confuses everything.
I mean, I know people call me Fatty *
behind my back. Or Fatso. Or,
facetiously, Slim. But I also realize *
this is my own perverted form of selfaggrandizement,
that no one talks about
me at all. What possible interest is an
old, bald, fat man to anyone?
Think about it.
This. Anyone who reads this normally, read this and dwell on it please. Comment as you will.
KAUFMAN
They’re going to find us.
DONALD
I don’t think so.
KAUFMAN
I don’t want to die, Donald. I’ve wasted
my life. God, I’ve wasted it.
DONALD
You did not. And you’re not gonna die.
KAUFMAN
I wasted it. I admire you, Donald,
y’know? I spend my whole life paralyzed
worrying what people think of me and you -
- you’re just oblivious.
DONALD
I’m not oblivious.
KAUFMAN
No, you don’t understand. I say that as
a compliment. I really do.
(beat)
There was this time in high school. I
was watching you out the library window.
You were talking to Sarah Marsh.
DONALD
Oh, God. I was so in love with her.
KAUFMAN
I know. And you were flirting with her.
And she was really sweet to you.
DONALD
I remember that.
KAUFMAN
Then when you walked away, she started
making fun of you with Kim Canetti. It
was like they were laughing at me. You
didn’t know at all. You seemed so happy.
DONALD
I knew. I heard them.
KAUFMAN
How come you looked so happy?
DONALD
I loved Sarah, Charles. It was mine,
that love. I owned it. Even Sarah
didn’t have the right to take it away. I
can love whoever I want.
KAUFMAN
She thought you were pathetic.
DONALD
That was her business, not mine. You are
what you love, not what loves you.
That’s what I decided a long time ago.
